TJ and Spinelli's Infinite Playlist
by BayBee-Gurl19
Summary: A story about T.J.'s feelings after Spinelli leaves. Based on a page from 'Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist' Rated M for language


**This story is inspired by a picture I saw on tumblr, it was a page from the book 'Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist'. It's a bit harsh-er than what I usually write, but what can I say, I got an idea to write this, so I did**

**I do not own Recess, or Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist**

_Fuck Her_

_Fuck Her for getting in that cab_

I walked outside my house just in time to see a yellow cab drive by my house, an orange ski cap in the back seat

_Fuck Her for fucking with my mind_

I thought we actually had a chance now, she always blew me off whenever I asked her out, then finally she asked me. I was shocked, but we ended up going to a party together and we had a great time, or at least I thought we did. She said she was taking a year off before college to stay here, with me.

_Fuck Her for not knowing what she wants_

After the cab turned the corner, I ran to her backyard, and climbed in through the window like I always had, she must have expected it, because there was a yellow sticky note attached to the back of her door 'Changed my mind, see you in four years -S'

_Fuck Her for dragging me into it_

"You should stay too, we can spend the whole summer together" That's what she said, obviously she didn't mean it, well classes have already started, how she's getting in now is beyond me, maybe she's lying again. But either way, it's too late for me, so I guess I'll be staying home all summer, alone, just like that one time in elementary school.

_Fuck Her for being such a fantastic kisser_

Sometime during the party we had run into her ex

_"Hey girl, didn't expect to see you here"_

_"Get lost Lawson" she said, acid in her voice_

_"You with this loser now? Yea right"_

She grabbed my jacket with both hands, and crashed her lips against mine, and it was incredible

_"Yea, I am, not get lost"_

_Fuck Her for ruining my favorite band_

For that whole week we were together, whenever we were in the car, we listened to the same Black Criminal CD, I had been a fan since I was a kid, and she knew a few songs, but by the end of it, she had em all memorized and we'd belt the lyrics out with the windows down, not caring about any looks we got

_Fuck Her for barely saying a word to me before she left_

Yesterday, I swear I had asked her a million times what was wrong, and she'd respond the same way everytime, "Chill, I'm fine, really, quit smothering me"

_Fuck Her for not waving_

I know damn well she saw me, we made eye contact, and she just looked, stared, I wonder what she was thinking, well obviously she wasn't thinking about pulling her hand in the air as she left

_Fuck Her for getting my hopes up_

I'd liked her since middle school, maybe even elementary, and trust me. She knew. She would pretend like she didn't, and tease me, and I guess this was her last hoo-ra on me before college

_Fuck Her for making my hopes useless_

I don't even know what to do right now, her room is spotless, I've never in the 12 years I've known her, seen her room this clean. Her closet was mostly empty, and her duffle bag was missing too. She was definatly gone, and all I could do was sit on her bed and look around

_Fuck Her for taking my jacket_

I gave it to her the night of the party because she was 'cold', but afterwards I had never seen her wear it, but everytime I came up here in was slung lazily over her desk chair, but now it was missing

_Fuck Me_

_Fuck Me for always getting into situations like this_

Maybe not exactly like this, but every other relationship I've been in, I always manage to fuck it up, I dated half of the Ashley's and like four or five other girls, and all of them broke up with me after a week or two, and never talked to me again

_Fuck Me for caring_

No matter how many times I had to bail her out, whether it be from a party where she drank too much, or got too high to find her way home, or even me picking her up from some guys house at four in the morning, I still did it, because I cared about her

_Fuck Me for not knowing the words to make her stay_

Was there anything I could've said? If my earlier assumption was right, and she was just playing me from the beginning, then probably not. If I ever said anything even a little sentimental she's call me a pansy, punch me in the shoulder, and walk off. If I told her I loved her she'd most likely have laughed in my face

_Fuck Me for not knowing what I want_

Maybe if I had been more persistent she would've stayed, if I hadn't dated so many other girls, but just focused on getting her. Ha. If she were here she'd call me a wuss. Yea, if she were here

_Fuck Me for wavering_

When she asked me out. I just stared at her with disbelief as she looked at me with that smirk of hers. When I finally answered her, I stuttered and my voice cracked. She had a good time cutting me up about it later

_Fuck Me for not kissing her the right way_

She caught me by surprise, I wasn't expecting it at all, and didn't react, so it was like she was kissing a wall. Not that I'd be any good at it if I had been ready anyway. So I guess it's nice to at least have an excuse

_Fuck Me for getting my hopes up_

Honestly, I'm such an idiot, she had been playing me for years, what made this time different? I should've known from the beginning what was going on, I'm such an idiot.

_Fuck Me for not having more realistic hopes_

If I had just laid off from the beginning, we would at least have a chance to be friends now. Well do I even want o be her friend? She had screwed me over a dozen and a half times, I can't believe I put up with it for so long.

_Fuck Me for giving her my jacket_

**So I hope you liked it. I'm thinking about how I could make a second part to this if you guys are interested, but I'm warning you, if I do, it's not going to have a happy ending. **

**But tell me what you think, I don't know how much I like this one, this is the first time I've written something so, negative :p **


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